


Surrender

by DhjdB



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, One Shot, Post Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 00:59:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19188688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DhjdB/pseuds/DhjdB
Summary: in which Lena confronts Kara after Lex tells her Kara is Supergirl and things escalate.(takes place right after the reveal scene in the season finale of season 4)





	Surrender

“The joke’s on you. It’s always been on you!” Lena seals herself from these words, trying not to let them in. But when Lex reaches over to grab a remote and the screen behind him lights up, Lena feels her heart tighten. She knows Lex, and she knows that whatever he is going to show her will hurt. That’s why she keeps her eyes on him and strictly on him.  
But then in the corner of her eye she recognises a familiar face. A face that would normally fill her up with warmth. A face that she can’t look away from. And so she lifts her head and looks.  
Kara pushes Lena aside while running through the L-Corp building. Lena recognises the scene right away. But then Kara turns around and catches flying bullets with her hands. Why is Kara catching bullets?  
Kara stands in the opening of a door way and sneezes, only for a huge gust of cold air to escape and knock down an entire group of armed men. Lena feels her grip around the gun tighten. She had found Kara acting weird that entire day, but she had told herself it was just Kara being scared. But now seeing those two clips right after eachother, it clicks.  
Lena feels her stomach drop and her arm become heavy, and she lowers her gun.  
“They’ve mocked you. Humiliated you.” Lex's words hit her as if she was the one who had been shot. She gasps for air several times, but her attempts are futile. She feels it everywhere in her body. Her lungs collapse, her muscles feel heavy, her stomach twists, and her knees shake. It’s almost as if she can feel the blood stop flowing in her veins.  
And then the scene that confirms it all shows up on the screen. Kara stands with a hardened expression, yanking off her glasses. Lena doesn’t even need to see the laser beams shooting out of Kara’s eyes after that, she recognises the face of her best friend now without glasses as the caped hero of National City immediately.  
“Denial is a very powerful thing, isn’t it? It’s been standing right in front of you all this time and you chose not to see it.”  
A lump forms in Lena’s throat and she feels her fists ball. She doesn’t know what she feels first after that, sadness or anger. It’s been right under her nose for years. Kara acting suspicious and disappearing suddenly, Supergirl mysteriously showing up whenever Kara disappeared. And the only thing that stood between Lena and the truth were a pair of glasses.  
Now Lena feels the anger take over. She is pissed. But not necessarily pissed at Kara but more so at herself. She is so pissed off at herself for missing this when it was so obvious for her to see.  
“Kara Danvers is Supergirl.” Lex says, and no words from him had ever before cut this deep into Lena’s heart.  
The one person in this world that Lena thought she could trust with her life, the one person Lena has ever felt so strongly about, the one person that Lena thought never wavered in supporting her, the one person that Lena though had never told a lie to her, is now the person who turns out has lied the most.  
Lena’s vision is fading, blurring from the tears that are welling up despite her will to suppress them. Through a curtain of water she can still see the heat vision coming out of Kara’s eyes on the screen in front of her. Her ears start ringing, as if someone blew a whistle right next to them. Her hands start trembling as she tries to keep a tight grip on the revolver in her hand. Her stomach has now turned over so many times Lena feels like she might throw up, and inside her chest a vast hollowness seems to spread. This is the sadness.  
Lena can’t see or hear Lex, she doesn’t even notice him actually dying. All she sees is the betrayal her best friend committed over all these years of friendship, displayed in front her on the screen. And what hurts her the most is the fact that she realises she doesn’t even really know Kara. She never really knew her. She only knew the facade that was Kara Danvers, the alter ego of a superhero hiding amongst the normal citizens, a persona designed to fit in and not stand out, a cover up for a true identity.

…

Lena feels numb on her way to J’onn’s home. Tonight had been set as game night a long while back and even though Lena knew she had the option to cancel, she was curious to see how everyone would behave around her. She was curious if she could detect their lies now that she knew the truth. She was curious to see Kara in this new light, even though she knew it would hurt. But more than that, she wanted to confront Kara. And everybody else for that matter. She wanted them to acknowledge their betrayal and she wanted them to feel her anger, to feel sorry they ever dared to lie to her.  
Outside of J’onn’s front door she swallows down the lump in her throat and inhales deeply. She collects all the shattered pieces left of herself, and reaches for the door handle. It opens under the weight of her hand, and pushing through all variables of emotions she enters J’onn’s house.  
A chorus of welcomes follows her entrance, everyone turning in Lena’s direction and giving her a smile, including Kara, who lets out a big ‘Yay!’ as a greeting.  
“James will be here soon and then the whole family will be together.” J’onn says enthusiastically.  
Lena scans the room. Alex, Kara’s big sister, who lied to her about Kara’s identity is seated next to Kara, naturally. Brainy, the super smart alien, who also lied about Kara’s identity, sits accompanied by Nia Nal. No doubt even Nia Nal knew Kara was Supergirl and kept it a secret from her too. On the couch sit Kelly, James’ sister, and J’onn, the Martian, who also lied about who Kara really is. And then finally there is Kara, the person who lead this quest of betrayal. And nothing could’ve prepared Lena for the rush of different emotions that come to her in the moment she sees the blonde sitting there, happily waiting for her.  
“Where have you been?” Kara asks in an exuberant and warm voice. A voice that shatters all the pieces Lena had collected that were left of herself, and alongside shatters all the strength Lena had summoned in order to confront Kara. She tries fighting it for a moment, but the reality is that she instantly knows she is at Kara’s feet once again. There will be no confronting tonight. There will be no fighting. Lena hasn’t got a single ounce of strength left to fight off everything she feels when looking at the woman she would’ve called her best friend only hours ago. All she has to offer is her surrender. And so she surrenders to Kara, to the butterflies she still feels when looking at the blonde even after the worst possible betrayal, and to everyone else in the room who has lied to her.  
She reaches in her purse and takes out a bottle of wine, putting on her best happy face.  
“I-I didn’t know what to bring so I brought red and white.”  
“Yesss!” Kara answers in her dorky voice.  
“Well, now that you’re here we can divide up and play catch phrase.” J’onn states.  
Lena tears her eyes away from the group and goes for the table to put both bottles of wine on it and set down her purse, as she hears Kara ramble on.  
“Yeah, J’onn is making us switch up the usual teams.”  
“My house, my rules.”  
Lena glances at Kara from behind and feels another lump form. She swallows her hurt down and sits down apposite of the blonde. Kara however, catches Lena’s eyes and holds them, seemingly nervous she asks Lena the exact words Lena’s heart can’t bear to hear.  
“But, you’re with me, right?”  
A thousand emotions take hold of the young Luthor, both good and bad, but one stands out the most. Love. She loves Kara with too much of her to ever be able to hate her for lying. And so she hates herself instead for believing the lies, while giving Kara a soft smile.  
“Always.” She says.  
“Good.” Kara returns a flustered smile as her cheeks turn slightly pink. “I’m going to get some more wine.” And with that the Kryptonian stands up, followed by her sister. Lena tears her eyes away and forces herself into the company of the others, putting on a brave face, refusing to let them know how hurt she is. Having had years of experience and having enough booze at her disposal tonight, makes this all too easy. And she fools everyone in the room, like they have fooled her for years.

…

It is only the next day when the entity of Kara’s betrayal truly dawns on Lena.  
She is sitting in her office at L-Corp, preparing the business meeting she will be having tomorrow. She had cleared her schedule for today, which nobody seemed to mind considering her brother had just attacked the entire country and then, in the eyes of the public, died fighting Supergirl. Lena knew this to be false. She had in fact been the one who killed him. But that was of no one’s interest but her own.  
This is when her mind starts dwelling. On Supergirl. On Kara.  
Kara and Supergirl are one and the same person. That means Kara is also the one who blamed Lena for making kryptonite in order to save Sam. This also means that Kara is the one who got mad at Lena when she revealed she made more Harun Ell which ended up saving James’ life. And it was also Kara who interrogated her when the DEO found out she had been harboring Reign, as much as it was Kara who had asked James to break into Lena’s lab to see if there was more kryptonite. Kara is not at all as supportive of Lena as she had initially thought.  
But on the other hand, this also means it was Kara who had saved her way back when they first met in the helicopter. This also means it was Kara who came to save her when Lillian had framed her for a crime she didn’t commit, even though the rest of the world had been more than ready to cast her aside.  
But not only that, Kara had come to Lena’s rescue time and time again, dressed as Supergirl, and had unapologetically risked everything to save her multiple times. Kara had caught Lena when Lillian’s men threw her off the balcony. Kara had come to save Lena when Jack was being controlled and programmed to kill her. Kara had come to save Lena when Edge had put her on a plane destined to crash and Kara had refused to let Lena die, even while risking the safety of the entire city.  
Kara had lied to her, yes. It was a devastating thing that she had not told Lena who she really was, suggesting she didn’t trust the Luthor enough. But now that Lena really thinks about it, Kara had risked exposing herself multiple times, especially when Lena had been in danger. And not to forget how badly Supergirl wanted to remain friends with Lena after she had admitted to her mistake of asking James to break in to her lab, and the look of utter brokenness Lena had received from her when she said her and Supergirl would never be friends. Everything falls into its place now that Lena can puzzle all the pieces that didn’t make sense before together into one coherent person: Kara Danvers and Supergirl are one.

Having figured all of this out now, Lena realises she doesn’t really have a problem with Kara being Supergirl. No, her problem lies in the fact that her best friend, whom she poured her heart and soul out to, never trusted Lena enough to do the same. Her problem lies in the fact that having had so many opportunities to tell Lena, Kara repeatedly chose to lie. This is what makes her really angry. Kara had lied to her about so many things and made it seem effortless. And that is what stokes the raging fire burning inside her right now.

Lena picks her her phone and texts the Kryptonian.

Lena: I need to talk to you.

…

Kara rushes herself to the L-Corp building, clumsily making her way through all the people on the sidewalk while mumbling all kinds of apologies for shoving them aside a little to hard.  
She walks over to the elevator and pushes the button for the floor of Lena’s office. She is nervous and jittery. Lena wants to talk about something. But more important than that, Kara has to tell Lena. Today. Or else she will back out again for fear of losing Lena. The timing will never be perfect, but it can be optimal. And Kara thinks right now as the optimal time.  
The elevator gives a loud PING indicating they have reached the right floor. Kara makes a move to step out and bumps into someone trying to get in.  
“Oh, shoot. I’m so sorry!” She says while bending over to help grab the folders she just made someone drop.  
She makes her way through the hall towards Lena’s office door, waits a moment to take a deep breath, and opens the door.  
“Knock knock.” She says in a shy voice, announcing her presence.  
Lena stands behind her desk, her back turned to Kara, looking out the window.  
Kara approaches and picks up the scent of alcohol, then spots a nearly empty bottle of scotch on Lena’s desk.  
“Hey, are you okay? I got your message, what’s wrong?” Kara wants to make her way over to the brunette and comfort her but when Lena turns around, the steely expression on her face warns Kara not to. Lena walks over to her desk and puts her glass down next to the almost empty bottle of booze.  
“I have a burning question to ask you.” Lena says in an almost mockingly calm voice. She leans forward with both her palms down on her desk, not a single moment letting go of Kara’s gaze, staring Kara down as if she is a predator and Kara is the prey.  
“Anything, shoot.” Kara says.  
“Are you Supergirl?” Lena doesn’t really ask, it’s more like a statement. So cold and calm, it catches Kara completely off guard. In a reflex Kara immediately goes for denial, a response she has become so used to giving that it feels like second nature to her.  
“What? Lena that’s-”  
“Because I’ve just been going over and over it in my head. All these weird habits of yours, all this suspicious behavior.”  
Kara doesn’t know what to do, all she knows is that it feels like she can’t get enough air into her lungs. If Lena suspects her, she has to tell her now before it's too late and someone else tells her. Kara wants to tell Lena herself, it is only fair.  
“Lena-” she starts, but Lena blatantly ignores her and cuts her off.  
“So yesterday I was talking to Lex, and in between me shooting him and him actually dying he told me the funniest thing. He said you, Kara Danvers, are Supergirl.”  
One sentence can make a world collapse. And Kara feels her world collapsing in on itself after Lena speaks these words.  
“He gave this well executed speech about how you and Alex and J’onn and basically every one of my so called ‘friends’ have been lying to me all this time. How you, the person I was always so certain of I could trust, were lying to me. That you are lying to me, and that you have been for three whole years.”  
Kara can’t breathe. The walls are closing in. Everything is collapsing. She can feel the anger radiating from the woman standing just opposite of her, and it terrifies her. Because she knows this anger comes from sadness. And because she knows this anger will result in hate. She is going to lose Lena.  
“So I started thinking, right, because I never believe anything my brother says without thinking it through carefully, and the more I think about it the more sense it makes. You always running off and disappearing, moments later Supergirl shows up. You always acting nervous and flustered when we are talking about Supergirl. You dodging my questions about where you went off to, and then giving some weird, sketchy answer.” Lena pauses for a moment, just a moment to see the reaction she arose in Kara.  
But all Kara can do is look away and fight back tears. She can’t look Lena in the eye when the beautiful green eyes she loves so much are spitting fire. Lena continues talking in a venomous tone.  
“The reason why I called you here, really is simple. I want to know the truth. Well, I already know the truth because Lex showed me video proof, but I want it confirmed. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me. I need you to not lie to me for once. So look at me, and tell me the truth.” Lena commands.  
Kara blinks hard to push away the burning of the tears in her eyes. Her chest feels too heavy to breathe, but she tries taking a deep breath anyway. And then she looks up to meet Lena’s eyes. They are colder than Kara had expected. There isn’t so much hate in it, but rather a hollowness. As if Lena has already run out of anger and has now retreated to an emotionless state. And maybe this stings Kara even worse.  
The blonde hesitates. She doesn’t know what to do. One thing she knows is that she is unable to speak, but Lena is raising an eyebrow at her urging her to abide.  
Kara slowly lifts her shaking hands up to her chest, hesitating once again when she reaches the hem of her shirt. She takes another deep, heavy breath and pulls open the buttons, revealing the red and blue House of Ell crest of her Super suit right on her chest.  
A slight gasp escapes Lena, one so small it is only thanks to Kara’s superhearing that she can hear it, and it hits Kara right then that Lena had been hoping that it was not true. Lena had been hoping Lex had lied to her, that he manipulated her somehow.  
Kara watches as Lena blinks really fast several times, and notices the green in her eyes become watery. She watches as Lena inhales a sharp breath and then clenches her jaw.  
“Lena, I never meant for you to find out like this-”  
“Ssh.” Lena stops Kara as she turns away and takes a step back, distancing herself.  
Kara obliges. She just stands there and watches how her best friend fights to find an appropriate response.  
After the longest seconds of Kara’s life, in which she anticipated every possible reaction Lena could give her, every possible outcome of the situation, most of them resulting in Lena hating Kara and them never speaking again, Lena finally turns around and looks Kara in the eyes again. But what happens next, is the one scenario Kara could never have anticipated.  
Lena’s eyes are shooting daggers, but Kara had expected that. It is the movement Lena’s arm makes that takes Kara completely by surprise.  
In one swift motion, the brunette lifts her right arm up and swings it hard, hitting Kara on her cheek with a force that would have knocked anyone out. Anyone who wasn’t Kryptonian. Kara doesn’t feel a thing, but instead watches as Lena retreats her hand as fast as she can, bends over and screams out in pain.  
“Lena! Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Kara stammers as Lena paces off cursing loudly, walking back and forth in front of Kara as if that might help ease the pain.  
“I- I didn’t mean to.. I swear, Lena, I’m so sorry.”  
Lena walks over to the bottle of scotch on her desk while clutching her hand tightly against her body. She grabs the bottle and brings it to her mouth to take a huge swig.  
“I’m so so sorry. I really didn’t- I never-”  
“Fuck, Kara, just shut the hell up!” Lena slams the empty bottle down on the table and walks over to her booze cabinet, reaching for the big container with ice.  
Kara watches as Lena tries to cool her hand while stroking one of the ice cubes over it, but it melts in her warm fingers and keeps slipping. The fact that Lena’s hands are shaking, whether out of anger or pain Kara doesn’t know, isn’t helping the situation either.  
“Lena-”  
“Shut it!”  
Kara holds her breath. She waits a moment and speaks again.  
“Just let me look at it. Your hand.”  
“What part of ‘shut it’ do you not understand?” Lena’s voice is on the brink of breaking.  
“Please just let me look at it. It could be sprained or broken.” Kara persists.  
Lena ignores the blondes offer and walks back to her desk, now clutching both her hand and a slippery, melting ice cube, and sits down in her chair bending over so that Kara can’t see her face.  
“Please, Lena.”  
“Just go.”  
Kara isn’t sure if this is the right time to push it, but trusting her gut feeling she decides to stay.  
“No. I’m not leaving until you let me look at your hand. It could be broken-”  
“A hospital can tell me if it’s broken and luckily I own one of those so get the hell out.” Lena says without looking up.  
“I know that, but if one of your fingers is broken the bones may shift and be dislocated and that will take twice as long to heal. You need that hand to write and to work. Just let me look at it, please. I will be really quick and then you can kick me out and I will leave and you won’t see me again, I promise.” Kara pleads.  
“Well, I’m sorry, but your promises don’t mean anything to me at the moment.” Lena snaps. Kara swallows hard, ignoring the stinging in her chest.  
“Please.”  
Lena stays quiet. For a good ten seconds it feels like someone has paused the scene, and Kara is the only one able to move about. But then finally Lena leans back against her chair and two bloodshot eyes meet Kara’s. The young Luthor doesn’t say a word, but instead just looks at Kara, then her hand and back at Kara, raising her eyebrow only slightly while doing so but it is enough for Kara to know she has permission to look.  
The kryptonian rushes over to Lena, ditching her purse on the floor along the way, and bends down in front of her. Very carefully she takes Lena’s right hand in her own, still triggering a slight flinch. Kara reaches to her own face with her other hand and takes off her glasses, putting them on Lena’s desk. She moves her hand back to where her other hand is holding Lena’s, oblivious of how closely Lena is studying her, and squints to activate her X-ray vision. She only needs to make a few slight angle changes before knowing why Lena is in so much pain.  
“You’ve um- I broke-.. Your pinky, ring finger and your middle finger are broken.” Kara manages. “You need bandaging right now or they might dislocate themselves while you are moving.” Kara pushes out, forcing herself not to feel how her heart shatters. She hardens her voice in the process, fighting down the regret and self hatred she feels right now. She stands up and walks to the cabinet where she knows Lena has an medical kit.  
“I can get that done at a hospital.” Lena says coldy.  
“No, you can’t. Your fingers will dislocate themselves and that will take twice as long to heal.” Kara’s voice is strict. She has pushed aside Kara Danvers, and her feelings alongside it. She is embodying Supergirl right now. The woman of steel who doesn’t take no for an answer, and it takes Lena by surprise to see this transition from one alter ego to another up close for the first time.  
Kara walks back towards Lena and puts the med kit on the desk. She opens it and takes out the first bandage she can find and bends down again in front of Lena.  
Lena watches the blonde very closely. Her eyes shoot from the gentle kryptonian hands on her own hand, to the half open plaid shirt revealing the House of Ell crest, to Kara’s face without glasses, back to both their hands. It is a scene that makes Lena even more confused than she already was, finally seeing her best friend in her true form: glasses off but hair still in a ponytail, Supersuit unveiled but not all the buttons of her shirt loosened, careful not to hurt Lena’s hand more but talking in a stern, unwavering voice.  
It becomes clear to Lena that she has misunderstood the two alter egos of the blue eyed woman in front of her. Kara is not both Supergirl and Kara Danvers as separate personas, Kara is one person who happens to embody both Supergirl and Kara Danvers. Kara is as much Supergirl as she is Kara Danvers, and Kara’s entire personality consists of those two alter egos. Together they form one, and Kara can not help being Kara just as she can’t help being Supergirl. Because she is both. She is never one or the other, although she probably tries to be, Lena guesses, but she is is always a combination of the two. Now that Lena can see Kara like this, she feels her anger fade a bit.  
“It’s done.” Kara says through a cracked voice before clearing her throat. “I’ll leave now. If you need anything I’m just a call away, but I’ll give you all the space you need. I won’t come and see you and I won’t text you, if that’s what you want. You have every right to hate me right now for being dishonest with you. But.. Please don’t.”  
With that Kara grabs her purse and turns to leave. She buttons up her shirt as she makes way for the door, and just when she reaches out her hand to open it she hears Lena’s voice behind her.  
“Wait.”  
Kara isn’t sure her heart is still beating as she slowly turns around.  
“You forgot your glasses.” Lena nods to the pair of lead glasses on her desk. “Wouldn’t want the rest of the world to know who you really are now, would we?”  
Kara isn’t sure whether it is cynicism or slightly playful sarcasm she detects in Lena’s voice, but she chooses not to go into it either way.  
“Right.” She mumbles as she moves to come and get her glasses. Having put them on, she makes to leave again when Lena speaks once more.  
“Who else knows?”  
Kara turns to face Lena again meaning to respond but a lump in her throat prevents her from speaking.  
“Who else did you tell before I knew.” Lena rephrases.  
“Those are two different questions.” Kara manages.  
“So answer them both, if it makes any difference.”  
Kara thinks for a moment.  
“I only ever told Nia and Winn. Alex. J’onn, James and Brainy know too.”  
“So they were smart enough to figure it out on their own while I wasn’t.” Lena states.  
“No, it’s not like that at all. I can explain everything to you if you want.”  
“I have a meeting in thirty minutes.” Lena says abruptly.  
“I only need fifteen.”  
Lena ponders this for a moment.  
“See, here is my problem. Right now I just want to hate you. I want to be able to hate you and I hate that I can’t. So no, I don’t want you to explain everything because I just want to hate you for lying to me. But on the other hand, I don’t want Lex to win and I don’t trust his story for a second. So I also do want to know everything so I don’t have to wonder if what Lex implied is true.”  
Kara nods. She can understand that.  
“Well, if you’re ready to talk about it just call me and I will be on my way over.” Kara speaks in a soft voice now. She turns around and walks in the direction of the door once again. Reaching for the handle, she stops for a moment and looks back at the brunette, feeling a rush of regret and guilt come over her. It is just when she pushes the door open that Lena’s voice fills the room again.  
“Fifteen minutes.”  
Kara lets go of the door handle. “What?”  
“Fifteen minutes. That’s all you get.” Lena says while getting up and nodding to the couch.

Kara doesn’t need to be told twice and moves quickly over to the couch. Their couch. So many deep conversations had happened on that couch between them. And Kara had never been completely honest in any of those conversations. But now it was time to change that.  
They sit down simultaneously on opposite ends of the couch, leaving an uncomfortable amount of space between them.  
Lena has gotten an ice pack out of the freezer on her way to the couch and is properly cooling her poorly bandaged hand now.  
Kara just sits and fumbles with her fingers, eager to explain but unsure where to start.  
“You said you only told Nia and Winn but the rest knows anyway. How come?” Lena starts, her voice not quite as harsh as before but still a little hostile. Kara takes a deep breath before answering.  
“Well, Alex is my sister. She has to know. J’onn is a Martian with mind reading abilities, I never had to tell him. James was best friends with Superman so he knew before I even met him. And Brainy, well he is a ‘12th level intellect’ from the future,” Kara tries to imitate Brainy and giggles, but when she catches Lena’s sad eyes she breaks herself off.  
“And Nia?”  
“I uh -I told her a few weeks ago. She’s an alien too and she was having trouble with accepting her powers. I only told her because I knew it would help her gain confidence.”  
Lena looks down at her hands for a moment before speaking.  
“Well, that makes it hurt slightly less, I guess. I thought you had told everyone but me.”  
A huge sigh of relief comes over Kara. This is progress.  
“This is not something that I can just tell everyone I get close to.” Kara explains.  
“I understand that,” Lena nods, “but three years is a long time to keep on lying.”  
“I wanted to tell you, I swear.”  
“You should have.”  
Kara looks down, avoiding Lena’s gaze. She knows she should have. She should have told Lena a long time ago. “I know.”  
Lena doesn’t respond for a while. And Kara isn’t sure of what to say to fill the silence.  
“Why didn’t you?”  
Kara looks up, meeting Lena’s eyes. They are much softer now. Still not as affectionate as they usually are, but some of the coldness has faded. The anger has faded.  
“I don’t really know.” Kara starts. “All I know is that I was terrified to lose you. I knew the longer I waited, the bigger the chance you wouldn’t be able to forgive me. But I waited anyway because things kept happening and the timing just wasn’t right and then I made a huge mistake when I told James to look in your lab for more kryptonite and I knew there was no way I could tell you at that time, because I certainly would have lost you then.”  
“Probably.” Lena agrees.  
Kara pauses. She thinks about it for a while, letting the thoughts form coherent sentences in her head so that what she is trying to say makes sense.  
“After that I tried really hard to fix what I broke when I went behind your back, and I wanted to repair your relationship with Supergirl before telling you. And when that finally happened, all this stuff with Lex came up and Eve betrayed you as well and I couldn’t bear to put you through another betrayal.”  
“Yet you did so anyway.”  
“I know. And I should’ve told you on the plane back from Kaznia.”  
Lena looks puzzled for a moment, as if trying to recall a memory she doesn’t quite remember.  
“After that explosion, and you being so worried, I was going to tell you. I really was.” Kara starts, but hesitates for a moment before she continues. “When you walked off, irated because I wouldn’t accept your apology, I was literally standing right behind you with my glasses off. I was going to tell you everything right then and there, but then you kept talking about how Eve and everyone else had betrayed you. And you said that if it wasn’t for me you would’ve lost faith in people completely.” Kara feels her throat tighten as she says the words, and looks up to see a tear glistening in the corner of Lena’s left eye.  
“Lena, I couldn’t lose you and I couldn’t hurt you. I didn’t know how.”  
Lena shakes her head slightly, making the tear slowly roll down her cheek. “Kara, don’t you understand? I wouldn’t have minded a bit, if you would have just told me the truth yourself. I would’ve understood. Now it just stings that I had to find out like this. Now all I feel is the humiliation of having missed it when it was right in front of me, and the distrust towards anything you say. All of which are things that could have been avoided if you had just told me.”  
Kara feels her eyes burn. “I understand.” She can’t manage her voice to get above a whisper.  
“I understand your reasons for not telling me, Kara, I really do. I’m just not sure that they’re good enough for me. I don’t think they are good enough to make me forgive you.”  
Kara nods. She tries to steel herself, but the words still hit her like a truck. A really strong truck. She had seen it coming, but to really hear Lena say it is still a blow Kara could not have prepared for. She doesn’t know what to do. She is going to lose Lena. She is going to lose the most important person to her, once again. She is going to lose her source of happiness. In a sort of desperation she speaks once more, knowing she has nothing left to lose.  
“There is one other reason I didn’t tell you. It’s um, it’s a selfish reason. And I’m.. I’m a little ashamed of it. But since all my cards are on the table and I have nothing left to lose, I want to tell you.” Kara breathes, fumbling once again with her fingers. “I’m not a selfish person, I’m not. But there is one thing I-..”  
Lena watches the blonde struggle as if every move she makes is a life threatening one.  
“I need you. I needed you as a safe place. I wanted you as a safe place. A place where I could be human.”  
Lena turns her icepack in her hand to push the cooler side to her fingers while Kara continues her search for the right words.  
“I didn’t want to give this up. A part of me didn’t want you to know, didn’t want to tell you. Because a part of me didn’t want to lose this.”  
“Lose what?”  
“This safe space. The only place in my life where I could be human. Where I didn’t have to be Supergirl because being Kara Danvers was enough.”  
Lena looks at Kara with remorse now. There is no longer any hardness in her eyes, just a kind of sadness Kara can’t really place.  
But Lena knows Kara sees it. She feels it.  
It is the love again, breaking off all her intentions to be unforgiving. The love she feels for Kara interrupts with all her plans to stay angry, to hold off falling right at Kara’s feet again. It is the same rush of love that came over her yesterday when she saw Kara sitting there eagerly waiting for her in J’onn’s house, making her unable to feel anything else. She knows she can’t stay mad at Kara. And she knows Kara can see her eyes grow softer. A part of her wants to fight it, but it is no match for the unconditional love she feels for the beautiful alien sitting just opposite of her. And she feels het body give in to Kara’s words.  
“You humble me, Lena. You humble me so much and you don’t even know it. You keep me grounded and you make sure I invest just as much time in being Supergirl as in being Kara. It would be so easy for me to just discard of Kara Danvers if it wasn’t for you. I tried to once before, and the only reason it didn’t work was because I cared too much about you.”  
Lena moves on the couch, only very slightly, but just enough for Kara to notice. She has inched closer, and without thinking Kara feels herself doing the same.  
“A selfish part of me did not want you to know, because when I was with you I could be just Kara and you liked me for that.” Kara continues, “Do you remember when I told you that I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders?”  
Lena nods.  
“I feel it everyday, every moment and every second. Whatever I do, it’s there, weighing me down and making my knees feel weak. I’m lucky I’m strong but it can get so, so heavy. It can make me feel powerless, and everytime I fail, the weight seems to increase. As if to remind me how many people I let down.” Kara pauses, wavering in her certainty of telling Lena this, but decides to go on. “Except when I’m with you.”  
Her super hearing picks up an increase in Lena’s so far steady heartbeat.  
“Lena, when I am with you, I don’t have to carry the weight of the world. Because you don’t expect me to. I can just be dorky Kara, the journalist with very bad taste in clothing, and that’s alright with you. You gave me a place that felt like flying, even when I stood with both feet on the ground. A place that made my shoulders feel weightless.”  
She looks up at Lena and meets the green eyes she loves so much, exactly how she loves them: soft, caring and yet serious. Not knowing what else to say, Kara sits in silence, watching Lena watching her. It takes a long time before either of them speak again. A time in which all Kara can hear is the rapidly increasing heartbeat of the brunette in front of her.  
“Kara, I don’t mean to call you out, but what you just said sounds kind of like a declaration of love.” Lena asks more than says.  
“Yeah, I love you. But you know that.” Kara laughs nervously, unsure if Lena means what she thinks Lena means.  
“No, I mean, it sounds like a declaration of love.”  
Lena did mean what Kara thought she meant.  
“Oh.. That kind of love. I’m um- I’m not really good with that kind of love.” Kara feels her cheeks redden as she looks away to hide her blushing.  
“Neither am I.” Lena smiles. Seeing that smile feels like a relief to Kara and she relaxes a little. Lena inches closer again.  
“But you know the first basic rule of physics, right?”  
Kara does know the basic rules of physics but not right now. Now all she knows is that Lena is closing the gap in between them on the couch. All she knows is that her heart and Lena’s are both racing in their chests, and that Lena is looking at her with those eyes. That is all she knows right now. There is no room for anything else.  
“I’ll help you since you seem a little lost.” Lena says, “Two negatives together make one positive. So maybe two people who suck at romantic love can together form a beautiful romance.”  
There is no air. No air coming in or out through Kara’s lungs. But somehow she manages to speak.  
“I suppose so.”  
Lena moves a little closer once again and reaches to Kara’s face with her unhurt hand as their thighs touch. She slowly takes off Kara’s glasses, completely conscious of Kara’s eyes not leaving hers at all. Their gazes are locked. And the whole world fades.  
“Who would have believed it,” Lena whispers, “a Luthor and a Super working together.”  
Butterflies erupt. Kara’s shoulders feel weightless. They are flying.  
They move their heads closer together and with no space left between them anymore, their lips touch. At first only slightly, but it doesn’t take long before both of them drown in each other.  
They are kissing. And it feels as if they were always meant to do nothing else but this for the rest of their lives. Kara lifts Lena across her lap effortlessly, Lena rips open the buttons of Kara’s shirt with her one good hand to reveal the Super suit once again. They merge together as if they are two pieces of a whole, they fuze as if they are two magnets inevitably attracting each other. They unify under both the betrayal and the trust, under both the hurt and the love, the lies and the truth.  
And Kara now knows something she will always carry with her, something she will never forget: it is impossible for her to lose Lena. And this is what humbles her the most of all.


End file.
